The third time he stroked my thigh
When I know to create space
Hello! If you’re new to POWERS, welcome! To those returning, welcome back! My name is Carolyn Fallert. I’m a five-foot-three writer and former ballerina sharing my self-defense journey. Here, I share practices to help you reclaim your protection, peace, and power. Thanks for being here!
You can listen to me read this post here…
His hand stroked my outer thigh a third time. I popped my head out of the water, interrupting my swim workout to watch him freestyle in the opposite direction in the adjacent lap lane.
The first time I had felt his hand, I had dismissed it as a mistake.
The second time, I had cursed his wide wing span.
This third time, I felt violated and started to fume.
Standard courtesy among swimmers at our community center is to acknowledge when laps become an unintentional contact sport. Even a brief hand raise in apology will do.
He made no such effort.
I waded toward the edge of the pool, too activated to control my breath underwater and contemplated what to do.
I could confront him. I had tried confrontation in this pool before and it had ended in gaslighting by the fellow swimmer and the lifeguard on duty. Recalling the experience, I started to question myself. Had this guy meant to touch me? Had he made a mistake? Whether or not he intended to touched me, my body buzzed.
I could get out and wait for another lane to open. Though, there was a long line of swimmers waiting on the deck.
I could cut my workout short. But, swimming was a sacred place for me. A moment to mute the world in foggy goggles, gurgling bubbles, and undulating light on the bottom of the pool. I didn’t want to truncate my time underwater for this dude.
I pulled off my goggles and wiped the water from my face as I stared down the lane. I felt tired of making myself small. I had done so in lap lanes and in every other dimension of my life for decades.
I also knew that shrinking had never kept me safe. It had only made me more convenient for other people.
I took a deep breath. Then, I heard my intuition say: “You need to create space.”
I watched him flip turn and head back in my direction.
Creating space is a skill I’ve practiced again and again in self-defense. Whether it’s pushing someone away, putting a physical barrier between my body and an attacker, setting boundaries with my voice, running away, or avoiding unsafe situations altogether, creating space is essential for every self-defense scenario.
It puts boundaries around my body and gives me more time to respond.
It’s also a skill that’s easy to practice. I don’t need to wait for a physical confrontation or even a third thigh stroke to hone it. When my calendar is overloaded, I create space by cancelling commitments. When I have a bad night of sleep, I create space by hitting snooze. When I’m in an funk, I create space by lingering in the shower a little longer.
When I practice creating space in my everyday life, I know my body’s boundaries better. And it becomes easier to respond in moments like this.
Before the Thigh Stroker could return to my end of the pool, I turned to the swimmer on the other side of me. He was an older man with a gentle face. “Would you mind switching places with me?”
“Not at all.”
We swapped positions in the water just as the Thigh Stroker flip-turned and headed back down the lane. Though I didn’t owe the older man an explanation, my body wanted to share what I was experiencing. So, I told him what had happened.
“You should be able to swim here without worrying about your safety,” he assured me. He was happy to help.
As the older man pushed off the wall, I pulled my goggles over my face. My eyes filled with tears and fogged the lenses. My body felt relieved for the space I created. And, as I sank below the surface, I felt grateful for the moment my body told me it needed space.
Are there ways you can create more space in your life? Is there a commitment you can cancel? A morning when you can sleep in? A moment to linger for a little longer? I’d love to hear from you. You leave a comment or send me a DM!
Take care out there.
Carolyn
POWERS Play
There’s power in pleasure. When I practice play, I’m filled with positive energy. That positive energy empowers me to show up not only for myself, but also for my community. It gives me a strategic advantage in life… like a power play.
In this corner of my newsletter, I share my latest moments of play and pleasure, an essential part of how I reconnect with my power:
Marveling at spring flowers. I recently had the privilege of hearing Black Voters Matter’s LaTosha Brown speak at the 2026 Women Donors Network conference. She reminded us that we are all seeds. And even though there is a lot of “poo” in this country right now, “poo” is also fertilizer. Flowers feel like evidence that not everything is going to shit.
Finding a Love & Lemons cookbook in our neighborhood’s Free Little Library and making a delicious brown rice miso mushroom soup with spring vegetables.
Reading Heart The Lover by Lily King. Never have I ever felt so nostalgic and heartbroken while reading a book. If you need a good cry, check it out.
Attending a spring cleaning Money Reset with Dow Janes. Who knew managing money could feel like delicious self-care?
Getting dressed up to see Devil Wears Prada 2 in theaters. This sequel was funnier than expected and loaded with cameos!
Watching Funny AF with Kevin Hart on Netflix. This reality TV comedy competition made me wanna try stand-up.
Reading One Bad Mother by Ej dickson, in celebration of Mother’s Day.
Playing with these 25 questions with my partner, in bed.
Buying some new lingerie, just for me.
Reading Yesteryear by caro claire burke. This novel is about an tradwife Instagram influencer who time travels to 1855. Tackling all the messiness of being a woman, a wife, and a mother in our world, this book has me hooked.
Where are you finding play and positive energy? Leave a comment or send me a DM, and I’ll add it to the POWERS Play section of my next newsletter!
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Thanks for sharing! How frustrating… so many scenarios like this for women. Good point about creating space for yourself. I’ll be more conscious of how I create space for myself this week intentionally and when I need it. It seems important to name the signals and believing what your body is telling you.